Week Nine Previews

Scrotums (3-5) vs. Mafia (2-6)
Scrotums by 9
Aw, CRAP! I’m favored to win this week, which obviously means that I’m going to lose! The stats don’t lie people – in the four games I’ve been favored to win I’m 0-4. In the four games that I wasn’t favored to win I’m 3-1. The Amish are in the same boat really – in the five games they were favored to win, they’re 1-4; in the three games they were picked to lose, they’re 1-2. And while I haven’t worked the math of late I think it’s safe bet that if the Mafia loses they’re out of the playoffs. I wouldn’t be in much better shape with a loss so this is really a must-win for both teams.

Steal (3-5) vs. Nation (5-3)
Steal by 34
The Nation is coming off a HUGE win and look to continue their momentum as they drive towards the playoffs and hope to make up some ground in the Barbay Division. Defending champ Steal is in a tough spot and needs the win if they wish to have any hope of successfully defending their title. Steal could close the gap a bit here with a win and could claim the tiebreaker as well with little effort – the tiebreaker is very doable for Steal as they lost by only three points (114-111) back in Week Three.

Las Vatas (4-4) vs. Saint (2-6)
Saint by 15
Like the Mafia, Saint is in desperate need of a win if they hope to make the playoffs for the second year in a row. Las Vatas is on a tear of late, winning their last two and four of their last five. Las Vatas defeated Saint by 29 back in Week Five (99-70) and it’s no exaggeration to say that Saint’s season hinges on this game so they’ll not only need to win but win by a sizable margin.

Tom (5-3) vs. Cows (7-1)
Tom by 33
Coming off their first loss of the season, the Cows look to rebound against a strong Tom team. Surprisingly enough, Tom hasn’t collapsed like he usually does so his team being in the driver’s seat is taking some getting used to. Yeah, Fwet is right on their ass right now, but if they just keep doing what they’ve been doing, they appear to be in good shape to claim the division title. A win this week would help the cause a lot.

Fwet (5-3) vs. ‘Gators (4-4)
Fwet by 26
This should be quite a battle with an awful lot of playoff implications. A win by Fwet would allow them to keep pace with Tom (and let them take the division lead if Tom were to lose to the Cows) while a ‘Gators win would lock in a tiebreaker over Fwet and Fwet cannot afford to lose anymore tiebreakers as they’ve already lost them to the Scrotums and to Tom. Not helping matters in the least is the fact that the ‘Gators already have a sizable lead via points for the tiebreaker from their meeting back in Week One when Fwet lost 111-164. It’s going to take a monumental win for Fwet to claim this tiebreaker.

Week Eight Sunday Night

Nothing kills a person’s momentum for writing about this fantasy football stuff than facing an opponent that always figures out a way to win. And such was the case today. Seriously, if I never had to play the BullGators again I’d be ecstatic. That just the way it is when you’re 2-14 all-time against one opponent. No team is that much better than another team over such an extended period of time. Yet more proof that it’s better to be lucky than good in this stupid pastime. Anyway, here’s some scores for those not wishing to hang oneself.

Cows 83, Nation 97
Wow, so the Cows are in some amount of trouble, huh? Perhaps, the streak ends at seven games? It sure looks that way since the Cows only have Shockey left tomorrow night, but the Nation happens to have Shockey’s QB. You may have heard of him, some dude named Brees?

Fwet 97, Saint 69
Still some game to be played here, but Fwet’s in a really good place with Colston and D/ST Saints going tomorrow. Saint will have Bush and Devery tomorrow so there’ll be a lot of Saints action going on tonight.

Las Vatas 77, Steal 83
Both teams are 3-4 for a win here would put one of them in a solid position as we enter the stretch run of the season. One wonders if Steal banked enough to hold on to his lead since all they’ll have tomorrow is Carney while Las Vatas has Pierre and Roddy White tomorrow.

Amish 100, Tom 141 F
And the fun continues for the Amish as their struggles with have the worst PA persist. Thanks to Tom’s 141 they now have a 129.6 ppg average against. Hey, you try winning with that kind of PA! There is about a zero percent margin of error when it comes to selecting a lineup when you face that kind of PA.

Scrotums 92, ‘Gators 127
I think I’ve whined about this one enough. I’ll just add that I’ve got Mike Bell tomorrow night while the ‘Gators are through. Good luck to him as he’ll have to have one helluva night – I’m figuring about 15 carries for 140 yards and 3 TDs. Oh, and fuck-you-very-much to Greg Jennings for being clinically incapable of being a consistent and reliable option. Thanks for wasting an excellent day by Forte. God, I hate this game sometimes.

Waiver Order

1. Dark Saint
2. Amish Mafia
3. Las Vatas Locas
4. Hairy Scrotums
5. Man of Steal
6. BullGators
7. Who Dat Nation
8. Team Fwet
9. Tom
10. Dumb F’ing Cows

2009 – Week Seven Standings

BARBAY DIVISION
1	Dumb F’ing Cows	7-0	W7
2	WHO DAT Nation	4-3	L1
3	Man of Steal	3-4	W2
4	Las Vatas Locas	3-4	W1
5	The Dark Saint	2-5	L3
HICKEY DIVISION
1	Team Fwet	4-3	L1
2	Turner Over …	4-3	L2
3	Bull ‘Gators	3-4	W1
4	Hairy Scrotums	3-4	W1
5	Amish Mafia	2-5	L1
Updated Tuesday, October 27

Week Seven Recap

Sorry for the dearth of posts of late, work has been kicking my tail; lots of travel. And unfortunately, there does not appear to be an end in sight to the madness. I’m in NO right now, and am heading the Gulfport for the next couple of days, then back to Ohio for the weekend. Hop on a plane on Monday to Maine, then possibly head down to DC for the rest of the week and get home on Saturday night. And I think a weeklong excursion to Calgary may be in the offing in the next couple of weeks.
But hey, the good news is that I beat Fwet so that’s something!

Locas def. Nation, 113-90

Locas had a strong Sunday afternoon, thanks in large part to Peyton, Ricky Williams and Owen Daniels combining for 80 points all by themselves. With that kind of output, they need not look back and the Nation was forced to play catchup all day; they obviously came up short. Who Dat is now 1-3 in their last four games after starting the season 3-0 while Las Vatas has won their of their last four after starting 0-3. Who Dat is in second in the Barbay Division but is three games behind the division leader Cows.

Cows def. Dark Saint, 134-130
Can you say 7-0? That’s where the Cows now find themselves as they are off to the best start in team history. And that run is only one game shy of the greatest start in league history as Team Fwet began the 2003 season 8-0 (odd bit of trivia – after starting 8-0, they then lost six in a row. Fwet did still qualify for the postseason and did win that year’s title regardless of the hot/cold season). Saint fell to 2-5 on the season though they made quite a run at dethroning ’09’s best team.

Scrotums def. Fwet, 116-107
As mentioned earlier, the Scrotums defeated Fwet in this matchup of longtime rivals (it was their 25th meeting; Fwet leads 14-11). The Scrotums dropped their previous matchup in Week 4 by a score of 126-125 so this win not only avenged that loss, but also gave the Scrotums the season head-to-head tiebreaker. Fwet leads the Scrotums by only one game in the Hickey Division (Fwet 4-3, Scrotums 3-4).

Steal def. Mafia, 129-95
Steal continued their scoring tear and have won two of their last three games thanks in large part to averaging 130 points per game over that time. After averaging only 101 ppg over the first four weeks of the season, the turnaround is welcome news for a team attempting to become only the second team to ever win back-to-back league titles. The Amish meanwhile continue to get scored on like a cheerleader in a porno flick. Teams are averaging 128 ppg against them. Another anomaly – they are the only team where opposing teams ALWAYS scoring in triple digits. Here’s the rundown of opposing teams’ scoring when they face the Amish: 131, 150, 143, 118, 107, 118, 129. No team will win many games when they’re faced with that kind of opposition, and the Amish certainly aren’t, as is evidenced by their 2-5 record.

‘Gators def. If It Fitz!, 143-86
The up-and-down season by the ‘Gators continues this week, this time on an “up” as they beat Tom by a large margin. One of the league’s highest scoring teams really laid an egg after averaging 138 points over the four weeks prior. The BullGators also were able to lay claim to the important head-to-head tiebreaker as the teams finished 1-1 against each other (Tom defeated the ‘Gators 120-114 back in Week Four). Tom still finds himself the lead dawg in the Hickey Division but now has a lot more company as three teams are within a game of their 4-3 record.

Week Six Standings

BARBAY DIVISION
1	Dumb F’ing Cows	6-0	W6
2	WHO DAT Nation	4-2	W1
3	Man of Steal	2-4	W1
4	Las Vatas Locas	2-4	L1
5	The Dark Saint	2-4	L2
HICKEY DIVISION
1	Turner Over …	4-2	L1
2	Team Fwet	4-2	W3
3	Bull ‘Gators	2-4	L1
4	Amish Mafia	2-4	W1
5	Hairy Scrotums	2-4	L3
Updated Tuesday, October 20

Boy, I sure am glad that the playoffs don’t start this week! There are four teams that are in then six teams with the same freakin’ record. Figuring out the tiebreakers between would be a nightmare. Luckily there are seven more games to go.

The latest from Week Six

Steal 136, Scrotums 96 F
Steal seems to have found their footing after some early season scoring troubles. Over the last two weeks, Steal has averaged 131 ppg. This is their first win since Week One. The Scrotums appear to be headed in the opposite direction and have now dropped three in a row and are averaging only 90 ppg over the last two weeks. Both teams are now 2-4 on the season.

Who Dat Nation 102, Dark Saint 90
The Nation got back to their winning ways after losing their last two. They still have Vincent Jackson going tonight so the score could get worse for Saint, who’s done for the week. The Nation is now 4-2 while Saint is 2-4.

Cows 113, Las Vatas 83
The Cows have now won their first six games and have really set themselves apart from the other teams in the league. Las Vatas is finished for the night while the Cows have Antonio Gates and Nate Kaeding still going.

Fwet 172, Tom 159 F
What an amazing shootout this one was, but one team had to win and it was Fwet, so expect him to gloat about it incessantly for the next week about how superbly awesome he is. And Tom has got to be hurting put up that many points and still walking away with the loss. Eh, such is life in fantasy football. Both teams are now 4-2 and tied for first place in the Hickey Division.

‘Gators 111, Amish 106
The Amish are looking to stop a 3-game skid while the ‘Gators are looking to grab their third win and try to keep up with Tom and Fwet. Kyle Orton is going tonight for the Amish while Knowshon Moreno is suited up for the ‘Gators.

Sunday Game Center

I’ll be trying something a bit different today, instead of doing new posts, I’ll instead just update this thread with the latest stuff. Join the fun in “Comments” if you are so inclined.
(1:17) This could be the longest we’ve gone without a score by ANY team. The only points on the scoreboard are from the D/ST, and that’s just their 10 point starts.
(1:23) … or not. Something’s funky with the scoring and it’s not updating for some reason. Not good…

Who Dat 51 vs. Saint 58
ESPN: Who Dat by 14
(1:06) Nation has 2 players, Saint has three, so don’t expect much from this one early on.
(1:43) Saint RB DeAngelo had a crap week last week but is making up for it here as he’s got 12 points early on.
(2:23) After a quiet couple of weeks, Brees is back – he’s got 22 with three minutes left til the half. DeAngelo has added four more to get him to 16.
(3:40) As expected, this one is a bit low-scoring. Of the players that are playing though, they’re producing. For the Nation Brees has 33 and for Saint DeAngelo has 28.
(4:51) Brees finished with 34, but there’s not much else to report for the Nation. DeAngelo finished with 37, but there’s not much else to report for Saint.

Scrotums 38 vs. Steal 107
ESPN: Scrotums by 19
(1:06) Steal has six players going, Scrotums have three.
(1:47) Steal leads all teams in scoring so far.
(1:58) Steal’s going big right now as Schaub and Slaton both have 17 points.
(2:24) Heath Miller is also pulling some weight in addition to Schaub/Slaton’s 34 combined. Miller’s got 14. Ced Benson and Greg Jennings have 11 and 10, respectively.
(2:52) Schaub and Slaton continue their show, with 24 and 22 respectively.
(3:34) Steal continues to stake themselves to a big lead, due very much to Schaub (35) and Slaton (30). Even Bowe has gotten in on the act with 12.
(4:52) Great production by Steal, and it’ll be quite a challenge for the Scrotums to close that gap. Steal is done until tonight; Scrotums have three going right now and two tonight.

Las Vatas 58 vs. Cows 59
ESPN: Cows by 38
Las Vatas becomes the next team to try and knock off the Cows, who are off to their best start in team history.
(1:07) Las Vatas has five players, including QB/RB/RB, so they’ll need to show some big numbers by 4pm. Cows have four going.
(2:25) Cows are looking good with 14 from Steven Jackson and 11 from Ochocinco. Owen Daniels is doing the heavy lifting for Las Vatas as he’s got 15.
(3:39) Teams make hay with their big three, but Las Vatas’ trio is stuggling with Eli, Jamal Lewis and Pierre Thomas combining for just 19. This could really be trouble later on today.
(4:54) Tight game going on here. Not a ton of production from Big Three for Las Vatas as they finished with 28. Cows look better in that category as they have 42.

Tom 123 vs. Fwet 101
ESPN: Tom by 23
Since Tom keeps changing his team name, I’ll just call him “Tom” until he settles on something.
(1:07) Tom has five going; Fwet has four.
(2:08) Tom’s ridin’ MJD with 11 and Hines Ward with 17. Now, why any self-respecting Browns fan would start a Steeler against his Brownies (much less have one on their team) is anybody’s guess.
(2:26) Hines now has 17 points for Tom. Wow. Colston just had two great catches and now has 100 yards on the day for Fwet; he’s got 14 total points.
(3:35) Colston continues to dominate for Fwet with 30. Ray Rice has 20. MJD has 29 for Tom.
(4:56) Quite the shootout going on here. Big day by MJD for Tom; he finished with 45. Hines Ward finished with 29. Fwet got big games from Ray Rice (42) and Colston (30). Fitzgerald has 13 points for Tom during his 4pm game. Moss has not answered with a similar performance for Fwet yet as he only has 2 so far.

Gators 47 vs. Mafia 45
ESPN: Mafia by 1
(1:08) ‘Gators have four going; Mafia have five.
(1:42) ‘Gators are getting great production early on from QB Rodgers; he’s got 15 to start.
(2:28) Rodgers sits at 18. Andre Johnson has 12 for the Mafia; otherwise it’s been a bit quiet for a team with five players going.
(2:53) ‘Gators got AP some action as he now has 12. Moss got on the board for the Mafia, and now has 5 with his team in the redzone.
(3:37) Mafia definitely appears to be in some trouble. They need Steve Smith to get a catch and for Santana Moss to do more than just the five points he’s got right now.
(4:58) Rodgers and AP combined for 49 for the ‘Gators. Hightower’s looking good so far for the Mafia with 12 points. Andre Johnson finished with 21 points for the Amish.

Week Five (short) Recaps

Gotta keep this a bit short today as I’ve got a bunch of work-related things to take care of – meetings, seminars, South Carolina, oh my!

Locas def. Dark Saint, 99-70
Saint dropped the lowest point total of the year (for the entire league!) with their poor 70-point display. Contributing to the performance was zero points from both D/ST Jets and TE Dustin Keller, plus a combined 10 points from the usually solid RB corps of McGahee and DeAngelo.

Cows def. Steal, 129-127
Another game, another Cows win. This is their first 5-0 start in team history, and they can thank the newest New York Jet, Braylon Edwards, for putting up 17 points for the win.

‘Gators def. Scrotums, 96-84
Another ‘Gators/Scrotums matchup, another ‘Gators win. That make them 13-2 all-time versus the Scrotums. And no, the continued losses do not get any easier to swallow.

Fwet def. Mafia, 107-103
Another big prognostication, another loss for the Mafia, this time by four measly points.

If It Fitz! def. Nation, 123-113
Just a good sound win for the Dawgs/Anchorman/Fitz. Every skill position posted solid points, from the QB (28 points), the RBs (28 points) to the WRs (55 points).

Week Five Standings

BARBAY DIVISION
1	Dumb F’ing Cows	5-0	W5
2	WHO DAT Nation	3-2	L2
3	Las Vatas Locas	2-3	W2
4	The Dark Saint	2-3	L1
5	Man of Steal	1-4	L4
HICKEY DIVISION
1	Turner Over …	4-1	W3
2	Team Fwet	3-2	W2
3	Bull ‘Gators	2-3	W1
4	Hairy Scrotums	2-3	L2
5	Amish Mafia	1-4	L3
Updated Tuesday, October 13